What do you mean "Control Freak"?

Here I am, blogging away about what a bang up job I’m doing with our blended family, and managing the 3 ex-wife-in laws (see "The Power of 3" blog for an explanation of EWIL)… and just when I thought we were coasting peacefully – BAM! 

I rocked the boat.


One of the EWIL’s and I had a difference of opinion, and she told our son that I was a control freak.  Am I?  Hmm.  What exactly am I trying to control?  Oh wait.  I want her to live and respond the way I believe a mother should.  Uh-oh.  Perhaps she has a point.


I’m going to need your help on this one because I’m really struggling to determine what the next correct move is.  Here’s the deal: she agreed to pay ½ of all school and medical related expenses for our son this year.  He lives with us and she doesn’t pay child support, so these bills are the only monetary assistance she is asked to provide.  I send her receipts – nothing.  I text her politely each time a new expense is coming along – no response.  Now to be fair her mother has paid some medical expenses, but as for the school stuff – nada.  So yesterday I sent a note that was a bit more strongly worded.  I suggested she make small payments out of each paycheck, if nothing else but to show that she is making our son a priority.  That didn’t go over well.  She replied that he is her son and I need to back off!  Ouch.


So here’s my dilemma.  I feel like the Christian thing to do is to just write off the debt and let it go.  My husband and I know that God will provide everything this boy needs, and we will do everything in our power to fill in some of the wants as well.


But the Mama Bear in me says, “you may have given birth to this boy, but I’ll be darned if I’m going to sit back and watch you make your own selfish wants a priority over his needs.  I’m the one with him daily, the one working to get him into college, the one making sure he knows how to cook a meal and clean a toilet before he sets out to take on the world!  All I’m asking is that you pay the measly amount you agreed to pay.”  Whew, glad I got that off my chest.  Am I wrong?  If I turn the other cheek does she win?


Even as I write this I am imagining your answers and I know what must be done.  Why does the right thing always have to be the harder thing?  Could it be that I’m not wanting to give up control?   


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  • 3/3/2013 12:41 PM Anne wrote:
    What I have always been told is that you get to say how you feel, but you don't get to control how the other person reacts.
    Reply to this
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